So let’s get started. I've got a glass of wine...I've had a long day...I am feeling good because it was productive but worked up because some things happened today that I am not sure how to address or if I even should. Instead of deciding on that right now - I am going to put my energy into writing. I am choosing not to worry about something that is out of my hands anyway...which brings me to our topic...#22 on the list - "There is always a choice..."
This is a hard lesson to teach a child. I struggle with how to illustrate this to my daughter. She's at that age where kids generally make excuses for poor choices that get them into trouble. Taking accountability for a poor choice or a difficult choice is learned behavior for the vast majority of us. And in a society that has a label and a disorder for every action/reaction we can name...we seem to be learning about accountability less and less. My child is hard headed...like her dad...like me. So what can I tell her?
Well here is the thing...you can't get away from your choices. You never know how the consequences may play out or even when. Accepting the consequences sucks sometimes, but that is part of being a grown up. I still struggle with it. But baby let me be clear...you can't half-ass accountability. It doesn't work. You have to own your stuff and know yourself before you can begin to live honestly.
I've made some interesting choices when it has come to love and relationships for example. Man… I really am here by the Grace of GOD because I have put myself in some really stupid situations when it comes to men. I was young...I was stupid...I was normal...I needed attention...I was looking for approval...I was sexually curious...I was trusting…and all of it was my choice. I didn’t see that then, but I know it now. Hindsight is not 20/20 – hindsight is a bitch that only chooses to kick in once you’ve already gone through! And when you're young you don't know why you are making some of the choices that you are...but just be aware that you have options even when it doesn't feel that way.
In your 20s you'll start to examine WHY you make the choices you make...and you'll still find a way to blame outside factors...your parents, the dude in question, not enough attention growing up, etc. etc. We all do it...we sit around in our dorms and talk about how we HAD to scratch his car because we found out he was cheating. LMAO - because just confronting him would have been too hard I guess. I get it. I’ve been there. I have scratched the car and I felt good…only for a moment though. Yeah...I need therapy...don't judge me!
The hope is that in your 30s...just going by my own experiences and what I have observed in people around me...anyway - in your 30s my hope is that you'll realize that you made and continue make choices based solely on what you want to do at that moment. The rest of it...all the outside factors are just that...motivators for a choice that ultimately lies with you. If you learn what those motivators are...if you are honest with yourself about what you want and need...you'll understand your past choices better, you'll learn what negative things cause you to make negative choices, you'll learn when fear affects your decision, you'll learn when selfishness motivates you instead of love, and you'll learn what helps you to choose wisely and justly.
If you're really interested in growing (because aren’t we all LMAO!) - you'll learn to get past (passed?) the negative factors that motivate you to make poor choices...anger, jealousy, fear, extreme self-preservation, ease...and you'll make choices that may be difficult, but may be better for you in the long run. You'll stop blaming everyone and everything else for your situation...your teacher, your mom, GOD, the other woman, the dude in question. (Him again! LOL) But that is a lifelong lesson that isn't accomplished in a day. Let me say it again - Accountability Sucks. It doesn't allow you to stay a child. It doesn't allow you to pretend you don't see and sweep things under the rug. It doesn't allow you to let go without looking inward first. That is the scary part, knowing it will all come back around, the same choices in a different form, again and again, until you get to the root of your choice. Why did you CHOOSE to lie, why did you CHOOSE to cheat on him, why did you CHOOSE to buy that bag instead of paying your phone bill, why did you CHOOSE to ignore the signs...they were NEON for crying out loud.
I have made poor choices...I continue to...but I know they are my choices. I choose to learn from them, I choose not to sometimes and I stay stuck. I choose to forgive myself...and sometimes I just choose to continue beating myself up. I choose GOD and sometimes I choose to ignore HIS word and HIS way. I choose the easy way for a quick fix sometimes...and sometimes...like now...I choose the hard road so I can find me. BUT it’s all...choice...no one makes me do anything but me. You can’t continue to secretly blame this or that or him or her…because the bad patterns will continue and the positive ones won’t start. GOD has given me free will as HE has to you. So if you find there is no option...look harder...look inward...retrace your steps...how'd you get here...choice.
So back to my wine...and my dilemma from earlier. What dilemma? I choose to conveniently forget.
Can't wait until we can talk about this! The rest of you...enjoy...or don't. I'll be here talking in any case.
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