“What have you learned from your previous relationships?”
Robyn’s response… “I’ve learned that mother f*ckers are NOT
to be trusted…”
Mmmhmmm…
Ok she didn’t write that to the guy. She wrote the standard
politically correct answer – I mean she didn’t send her dating representative
because the point of these sites is to find a harmonious match by being
yourself, but she didn’t let him know about Cousin Pookie in jail and the uncle
you don’t let near the kids either.
But I digress. Her point was that after all she has seen and
been through…after all we have BOTH seen and been through …the only thing we
have learned is that if you are in the right headspace to be fooled – you will
be. You’ll smell smoke and instead of
thinking “fire” and “I should get the hell out”…you think “barbeque” and grab a
damned plate. SMH…I love women… but we
really are a mess.
So Robyn was talking about how it would be better if men
came with signs on their heads that said things like…Liar, Mental Midget,
Financially Irresponsible, Cheater, Walking Mid-Life Crisis, Self Esteem
Issues, Poor Personal Hygiene, Likes
Your Male Cousin Better, Needs a Mother/Maid, Run, Run Fast… you get it.
As I listened to her talk it hit me…we need…MANFAX! Yes
MANFAX. It’s exactly what you think it is - just like CARFAX® but it would be based
on the specific man you wish to engage in life-partnership, casual sex,
friendship, creep-age… or whatever. That way, you would know just how many
accidents he’s been in, if his mileage is high for his model year, if he lives
with his mom (not if his mom lives with him – if he lives in HER house…in his
old room), if he is a hurricane salvage and was recently flooded out and
stranded and trying to hide it, or if he was basically abused by his former
owner(s) and now looking to come park his shiny, chrome-rimmed, hot mess in
YOUR garage. You know the type…nice to
look at, goes real fast, but the MPG is crappy and the GPS is busted so YOU
always have to know where you are BOTH going.
On the flip side – MANFAX could also reveal some true gems. You
may find a sturdy, well maintained, classic…that may be available only because
his current driver is moving to the city and can’t take him with her, or he was
part of a cooperate fleet and the contract is up. You may find someone with a
little wear but not a lot of tear – sleek design, handles the road well at high
speeds and during inclement weather, and knows how to hug a curve. HASHTAG I’M
JUST SAYIN.
I say all that to say that MANFAX could be a great way to
eliminate the bullshit and alleviate some of the pain of dating. Some…not all,
but you’ve got to start somewhere!
What’s that you ask…is there a female version? Well of
course not! We talk so much that we’ve given men plenty of insight on how to
read us within the first hour of offering us a drink. So if a man doesn’t know
how to read and interpret a woman’s life story by date 3…he isn’t worthy of
knowing. Yep…it’s like that.
The real issue is that when a woman is ready to be in love…AND
she has set her sights on a particular man…there is nothing anyone can do to
make her see what is in front of her face, until SHE is ready to see it. But
EVERYTHING is revealed in time…and then the choice is yours…do you continue to
drive or do you find another mode of transportation?
Typos aside - hope you enjoyed this little rant - or not – I’ll be here
talking in any case.
Oh and by the way…MANFAX®
is a registered trademark of Papaya’s World Inc. – the parent company of all
things Suspend Logic Blog based. Don’t believe me…try to purchase suspendlogic.com
or .org. Yep...it’s like that too. 